I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
pray to the hookup gods
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
