Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
