Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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