everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
