I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
bring money and cleavage
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
