she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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