Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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