Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
