This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
