How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
