i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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