We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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