He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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