my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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