I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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