people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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