omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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