We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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