yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
