During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
