its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
