you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
