its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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