So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
