you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I am available for nakedness
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
