I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
