Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
