at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
