I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize