i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize