The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
