No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
