I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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