Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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