John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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