i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
