i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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