i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize