I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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