How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
