He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize