plz talk dirty to me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
