talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
