I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
