He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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