so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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