sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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