mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Green mimosas i think yes
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
