My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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