I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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