Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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