I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
