just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
