I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
