Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
