I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
