Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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