dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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