census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
