I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
