Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
