What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
