I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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