Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
