The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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