i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
