Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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