what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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