I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
