Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
