i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
