its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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