I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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