I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
